COVID-19, national tensions, unemployment and a strained lifestyle change have been tough.
One of the best things couples around the world can do right now is turn off your phones and televisions and have sex.
Couples more than ever need to refocus on sexual intimacy. The news makes us feel bad. Politics makes us feel bad. Religious issues drain us. National tensions are draining us. Unemployment, money problems, family worries and more beat us down. You’ll feel better if you have sex. Your relationship will be better if you have sex.
Before you were married, you could hardly wait to be married so you could have sex all the time. Years later some couples can’t find the energy, the interest or a time on their schedule to consider sex. What happened? Why the big change?
Life and our bodies and even interests change for people. Work weeks often take a lot out of couples leaving them sometimes too tired. Aging zaps us. Sickness and medications bring unwanted changes that make intimacy sometimes difficult if not impossible. Too often people become drained, mentally and emotionally exhausted.
The intimate experience of hot, sweaty sex becomes a distant memory too often. He falls asleep on his recliner, while she dozes off on the sofa and then later to bed. Some couples are zoned out by the time they’ve finished Wheel of Fortune.
After 20, 30 or 60 years life changes. The fire and passion that once ignited your bedroom has long subsided. Now, it probably feels like Antarctica as someone in the marriage is constantly over hearting and burning up all the time while one of the partners is freezing to death.
Lots of little issues pop up in marriages that come between couples. Often, it’s work, money, kids, in-laws, her kids, his kids, church stress, moving, all the above. While both partners would like to be intimate too often all the stress, friction and resentment over previous discussions or outright arguments drive wedges between people. The one direction that the man may want to go in life may be entirely different for the woman or vice versa. Compromising or at least reaching a point where there is peace and open communication is vital.
Find something to laugh about and make sexual intimacy a priority. This doesn’t mean you are having sex every day. It does mean it’s a part of your life. It may not even be close to what it used to be. It may no longer even be spontaneous. It may become the Saturday morning or Friday night scheduled event that you keep your calendar cleared for. Why not? You schedule your dentist and your doctor. Couples need to make sure they have their intimate bedroom time reserved. You will feel better, sleep better, be less stressed and your overall health will be better. Plus, you’ll be smiling more.
Many years ago, I usually ran a mile under six minutes. Today nine minutes is a real push and usually 10 minutes feels even better. The time will likely come when I can’t jog at all. Aging happens. However, I hope to keep moving, walking and being active in whatever way I can. Couples must do the same when it comes to sexual intimacy.
The key is don’t let your intimacy die. For men today there is an arsenal of medication and help available. There is no reason for you to give up. See your doctor. Your marriage and your sexual intimacy that you enjoyed for so many years does not have to die an early death.
Make sex a priority. The kids are important, the grandkids are important, the yard is important, the news will replay a hundred times. So, turn off the TV and the phone and you and your spouse figure out some way to have sex.
Dr. Glenn Mollette is a graduate of numerous schools including Georgetown College, Southern and Lexington Seminaries in Kentucky. He is the author of 12 books including Uncommon Sense. His column is published weekly in over 600 publications in all 50 states.