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Had it up to here with spam
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I'd love to get my hands on these bums who send out e-mail spam. I don't know how it gets to me nor whence it comes but it does.

I've wondered if the people responsible for wasting my time dealing with spam are normal people and if they feel good about their work. I wonder if they actually work a 9 to 5 job or if they roll up to an office, Spam Unlimited, in their Rolls Royce's.

Are they embarrassed by their line of work? Or do they proudly share with the guy next to them on the airliner, "I send out spam for a living, what do you do?"

When they go home at night do they share with their wives around the dinner table, "Honey, I came up with a great spam e-mail title today, 'Your account was blocked!' " And does she say, "Wow, honey, you're brilliant. I love you, scammer you."

The more we use e-mail, the more we recognize spam. In my naive early days of internet use, I freaked out when an e-mail told me that my eBay account had been compromised. Not! It was spam. I was suspicious when the e-mail wanted my password. I reported the matter to eBay and they said it was a spoof e-mail.

With my heightened awareness I began looking for more phony e-mails. It was more obvious when an urgent e-mail came to me that my Washington Mutual Bank account had been compromised. Duh, I don't have an account there!

I'm supposed to be fooled by the spam titled, "Re: Your order." I rarely order anything on line so (BAM) deleted. Here's a another: "Your e-mail account just won you $2,500,000." BAM!

I've seen variations of the Nigerian bank scam. Basically it says that if I allow a foreign government to park about $200 million in my American bank account, I get to keep $9 million as a chump change favor. Yeah right.

Got this one recently: "Dear Friend, I'm happy to inform you about my success in getting the fund transferred to a Swiss Account with the cooperation of a new partner from Paraguay who is an international business man. Presently I'm in London United Kingdom for investment projects with my own share of the total sum. Meanwhile, I did not forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds despite that it failed us some how. Now contact my secretary. Ask him to send you the total sum of $850,000 which I kept for your compensation for all the past efforts and attempts to assist me in this matter I appreciated your efforts at that time very much. .. instruct him where to send the amount to you."

Yeah, I give my bank account details and they clean me out. What kind of fool do you think I am?

I saw a new bold spin. The e-mail is entitled, "FBI Mail/Notice." Some FBI agent (who doesn't exist) tells me that the Nigerian scam has been investigated and that it's "100 percent genuine." I just need to click here to participate. Yeah, and cows jump over the moon.

Fortunately, most of my work spam is channeled into the spam folder (313 as of this morning). But that requires work as some legitimate e-mails get placed into my spam folder and I must search for the good among the bad.

"One wife is not enough" one tells me. Who are they kidding?

Another says, "Last chance to accept Tina Nunes's invitation." I'm sorry but if you have to make up people from my high school experience to get me to join, you're not worth joining.

I kid you not - this is one in my spam folder right now: "Is it true that you are not alive?" Maybe I should reply, "Yep, I'm dead. Take me of your spam e-mail list."

Most are so filthy they can't be printed in a family newspaper. Most offer pills or other male enhancement items.

I've seen my share of law firms trying to get in touch because someone I don't know has left me millions. As if the attorneys wouldn't try to find a way to keep every dime if it were really true.

I know they busted some big spammer recently but the problem is widespread. I have to resist the notion that might be entertained by liberals that government must be the solution. But I say the real solution is to use common sense and quit falling for spam. Only then will it not be profitable to send them out.

How do you feel? Let Jeff know by emailing him at - and DON'T spend him any spam!!!