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They have Goodyear blimp sized egos, reptilian brains & the stature of a gnat
Dennis Wyatt mugshot July 2022
Dennis Wyatt

They’re annoying insects of a person.

They think they are killer bees. But they’re mere gnats.

A thousand apologizes to the wannabee mosquitoes of the insect world, but there is nothing more annoying and insignificant than the human gnat.

You’ve seen them. They’re behind the wheels of cars. In their own reptilian mind, they are king of the road. But they are losers.

They come in many incarnations. The latest is the loser that combines two traffic infractions in one. They run a red light by making an illegal U-turn. It’s a move worthy of an annoying, self-centered dolt. They pull up to a red light. Most of the time they don’t come to a complete stop. They then turn right and within a dozen feet swing to the left, cross the street, and then turn to the right going on their merry way.

They are a step below the subterranean picking order of those that take shortcuts through convenience store parking lots and gas stations at corners. They can’t be bothered to wait in line to make a legal right turn. They’re too self-important. Just like annoying gnats buzzing you.

The time in Tracy, though, they cut off a pedestrian.

Nice touch. No harm, no foul — right. Wrong. They got lucky. Worse yet, they get so used to doing such a stunt when the opportunity arises they will become full of themselves.

Just like the jokers who blow through stop signs when they see no one coming.

The day will arrive when their reptilian mind sees what it wants to see.

If they are lucky, they will just scare the hell out of other people. If other people aren’t lucky, there will be a contact of metal and urethane. There could even be broken bones or whiplash. In the worst-case scenario, they can gain killer status without it be being modified by the word “bee.”

Driving gnats come in all shapes, sizes, and ages. They don’t make careless mistakes per se. Instead, they make deliberate annoying moves. And just like gnats they buzz people and dare police — if they are in the vicinity — to swat at them.

As much as you’d like it to be a SWAT team in all caps pulling them from gunpoint from their vehicle and then cuffing them, it’ll just be a traffic officer. Once in a while you do get rewarded by being able to see a gnat get his comeuppance. Usually, it is from a narcissist gnat that uses dash cams or GoPro style cameras. They then post their urban exploits on YouTube. The worst ones actually have a pay-to-view gig.

You’ve got to love social media. It’s a place where gnats can live the dream that they are hawks with talons. Instead, they are just gnats. Insignificant gnats.

The latest reincarnation of self-absorbed drivers was caught in the net of the California Highway Patrol in Contra Costa County. This gnat has 44,000 subscribers on YouTube. He drives a Dodge Charger Hellcat. The guy drifts on private property — not his own and not necessarily with permission. Empty parking lots aside, he also drifts on public streets. And he does so with other people around. Drifts in between cars.

So far his stunts — including burning donuts in intersections — haven’t hurt anyone. That guy is a super gnat. And that’s not in a good way. He’s simply a bigger gnat than the gnats who are into the one-two moving violation of red light running and making an illegal U-turn. His moves are squirrely and unlawful.

But what does he care? He even has an apparel line hawking his stunts.

There’s apparently money in being the backside of a horse.

And horses do attract flies — and gnats — when they do the No. 2.

Giving out his YouTube or name more exposure just plays to his ego. If you want to see how this guy talks like he’s a legend in his own mind, Google “Hellcat gets impounded.”

Let’s just refer to him for what he is — Super Gnat. 

Super Gnat has gotten his share of tickets. The world knows this because he posts photos of them clenched in hand as if they are a badge of courage. He even shakes down viewers for money to pay his tickets.

Super Gnat met his match recently. He got pulled over by an officer and was issued a ticket for reckless driving. Seems he was caught doing donuts on a public street. No allegedly needed since the Super Gnat posted a video bragging about it.

The officer didn’t impound the car. The reason? It meant the guy would have been arrested. In California we know that means the officer spends the next eight hours writing up paperwork while the culprit is back on the street in half the time. So, he let him go with a ticket. The officer, however, had enough evidence to secure a search warrant. Two CHP officers, as he complained in a video he made and posted, had the nerve to wake him from an early morning slumber the next day at his house. They served the warrant and had him pull the Hellcat out of his garage as they summoned a flatbed tow truck to impound it.

In his video he said he filed an insurance claim against the tow truck company since his front end scrapped being pulled up onto the flatbed.

But the main event was his whining about his car being impounded – and to ask his viewers to donate to his PayPal account to pay his tickets and impound fees.

The CHP impounded his car for 30 days. That’s $3,750. (Perhaps there is a shred of justice in the world.) Of course, his pleas were to get him the money so he could get the car back and make more content for his paying viewers.

P.T. Barnum had it wrong; a sucker isn’t born every minute. It’s more like every second. But then again, P.T. Barnum didn’t have the benefit of the Internet.

This column is the opinion of Dennis Wyatt, and does not necessarily represent the opinions of The Courier or 209 Multimedia.